I don’t normally like bringing up this topic, but it’s something that’s sort of haunted me my entire life. That’s my “racial identity”. What is it? I’ve never really known which box to check. If there’s an other, I’ll check that, but if it’s asking me to choose between Hispanic or Caucasian, I’ve sometimes ended up checking both (even though under Caucasian it usually states to claim yourself as this, you can not be Hispanic).
I see a lot of things about biracial people choosing to identify with one race over the other (usually the “minority” of the two, and not by their own choosing, but by the choosing of society). But I’ve never known what to go with. My mother is white. I mean, white as snow, platinum blonde hair and ice blue eyes. She is a true reflection of the typical Nordic Caucasian. Her ancestors descend from Denmark, Germany, Scotland, and Ireland. Now my father’s side, I know very little about. But what I do know is that his mother was of Irish descent and his father was of Mexican descent. I have many of my mother’s features, but have the dark hair and eyes passed down from my father and his father. My father grew up in a time when being proud of your heritage (especially one of Hispanic descent) was not exactly the thing to do. He shunned his heritage and my mother not knowing much about it herself, didn’t really embrace it. I grew up knowing more about the Nordic traditions of my family. I have been quietly searching for some way into embracing my Mexican heritage. But the problem for me is, Caucasians, though they except me, will always ask me “So, what are you? Because you’re obviously not white” (usually referring to my tawny skin that, even at it’s palest is always a shade darker then my white friends). But Mexicans, or any Hispanic person really, though they immediately point at me and say “You must be Spanish”, usually lose interest when they find out I don’t speak Spanish or know anything at all about Hispanic culture(s).
I really want to know more, but no one really excepts me as either or, and even at the age of 27, I still pause when asked to check some box to identify my race. Is there enough of Mexican in me to identify as Hispanic, or is there a certain amount I need to confirm first?
**Please forgive any of this that doesn’t seem to make much sense, or for lack of proper terms. I’ve been up since the crack of dawn today, and am just allowing my thoughts to spill out.
Oh gosh, it’s been a pretty great week. Well, nearly two weeks. Last Friday some friends and I went dancing, got hit on by an almost unbelievable amount of handsome boys, were given cocktails with way more alcohol than juice, and one friend spent the night at my house. The next morning my boyfriend, to cure our hangovers, went out and brought us home a greasy fried eggs and hashbrowns breakfast. Even after she left, I spent the day on the couch recovering, watching movies and taking naps. Sunday, the boyfriend and I met up with his friend, and he sold me his VW Jetta (for some reason I have always wanted one), and I’m so happy. I love driving it! Finally, a fully functioning car, for a decent price and I know if anything goes wrong he’ll help me out any way he can with it. So, to thank him, we took him to our favorite diner for a nice breakfast. The rest of the week I have enjoyed my car, and today I spent the day with my mom. We went to the pool for a few hours and I had a great swim and got nice and brown. We then had dinner and did a bit of shopping. Now I just want to spend the rest of the weekend with my boyfriend doing nothing in particular. :>
—Know Who You Are At Every Age